Monday, 29 August 2011

A Sneak Peak At My Next Book

Regular readers of the old blog will know that I once wrote a book. If you are a true friend and all round good person you would have bought it. If you didn't buy it then you are obviously a cump!

Well it is now with great pleasure that I can give you a sneak preview of my next book.

The Wedding Blogger

4 Weddings
3 Amazing Chat Up Lines
2 Stag Parties
1 Speech About A Wedding Cake

The title really sums up what the book is about.
All my drunken adventures last summer surrounding the four weddings I attended.

The Book Cover was designed by the incredibly talented Diana Leto.

My good friend Jonesy has done the editing for me, and he has hopefully made my drunken stories far more dramatically accurate.
I asked him to write a little something for the back cover, this is what he came up with.

This book is the story of one man’s journey through four weddings and two stag weekends in the summer of 2010. Kilted up, with a drink in one hand, a drink in the other hand, and a drink that he’d put down somewhere and forgotten about, he was present as eight of his friends got married. Join him as he impresses a series of ladies with some extraordinary chat-up lines, learns more facts about wedding cakes than you could possibly imagine, and spends long periods of timewaiting for Walkin’ On Sunshine to come on.

Andy Graham is the Wedding Blogger.

Here's a few tweets and texts he's sent me regarding the book while he was busy editing. I hope they will help you get a good feel for the story.

I think that gives you a good idea of the kind of stuff contained within the book.
It'll hopefully be available for purchase within a few weeks.

That's All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

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If you do subscribe then you will receive an email from me at least 24 hours before the book is officially released and you will be able to buy it at a substantial discount.

Saturday, 27 August 2011

A New Review of Fifty Envelopes!

As regular readers might be aware, I am nearly finished my next book, The Wedding Blogger. The proof copy has been ordered and all that needs to be done now is fix the inevitable 200 problems that will no doubt occur. I was uploading the file to, the print on demand website where my book will be released when I noticed that my first book Fifty Envelopes had a new review. And a very good one. So good infact I thought I would share it with you today.

Ratings & Reviews

Lulu Sales Rank: 35141
Your Rating:
Rated 5.0 stars Rated 5.0 stars Rated 5.0 stars Rated 5.0 stars Rated 5.0 stars

2 People Reviewed This Item

Jul. 7, 2011 By laura venables
I couldn't put this book down, it was so funny. At a fiver it is well worth a punt even if you don't like it, you will though, it's ace. As the author leads you through the journey that his 50 envelopes took him on you'll be enthralled and also in stitches. I have never met the author or worked with him and he has not paid me to write this glowing review. In fact he has actually never bought me a drink ever. Why am I being nice about his book.... it is really good though and apparently he needs the money.

How ace is that?
It's almost as good as the first review the book received, way back in September 2010.

* * * * * Sep. 4, 2010 By andy
The Greatest book I have ever written!

A big thank you to Laura Venables, who ever you are.
Remember people Fifty Envelopes is still available to buy for a mere £5.(Plus Postage & Packaging)
CLICK HERE to take you to the site
And if you buy it TODAY ONLY (August 27th) You can recieve a 20% discount using dicount code: SCHOOLEDUK
You know it makes sense
That's All For Now
Until Next Time
Have A Nice
Andy G
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* * * * *

Friday, 26 August 2011

Chef Dave and The Whipping Of The Spoon

It's the video that you never knew you wanted to see, Chef Dave and The Whipping Of The Spoon.
I hope you enjoy it.

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE

I hope this video will help make Chef Dave become the internet sensation he deserves to be. If you want to see more of Chef Dave, you can see him in the first film I made for school, The Playhouse.

That's All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

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If you do subscribe then I will let you whip a spoon out of my hands.

Thursday, 25 August 2011

The Spoon Video

Many, many months ago we were a bit bored at Vincents. So to amuse ourselves one of the chefs did his party trick. Chef Dave held up a spoon and Chef Graham whipped it out of his hand using a dish cloth. I filmed it on my phone. Ever since that day Chef Dave has been asking for me to put it on you tube. Constantly.

I have created a dramatic re-construction to demonstrate.

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE

It's not that impressive really, it's just a video of Dave holding a spoon and someone whipping it out of his hand. But Dave is determined for it to become a you tube sensation.

So Chef Dave, this is for you.
Tomorrow, at the crack of noon, The Spoon Video will be released upon the interwebs for all to enjoy. In the meantime here's a trailer I made.

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE

Sorry it's not the greatest trailer in the world, but it's not easy to make an interesting trailer out of a 55 second video which is essentially the same shot.

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If you do subscribe then one day I will introduce you to the infamous Chef Dave

Monday, 22 August 2011

The Blackening Of Mark C

It's the post you've all been waiting for. 

The Blackening Of Mark C

Mark got married 2 years ago, you can read about my memories of his wedding HERE, if you're interested. He had 2 stag do's the home leg and the away leg. The video below features the unedited blackening of Mark while at the home leg.


If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE

If you want you can read about the rest of the home leg HERE. 
And the away leg is detailed in a letter I wrote to the mayor of Poznan.
That's All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

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Friday, 19 August 2011

The Mysterious Mystery of The Missing Keys: Part 2

The story so far.....

It's the day before a big gig in The Club, and the keys are missing. We have established that they are not in the empty yogurt pot where they normally reside. Even after checking several times they were still not there. A conversation with Vinnie has revealed that they keys might be in the company van, which is at his house. But he is in Spain. So I called the person who was meant to be feeding his cat to check the house for me and get me the keys. But she has went out of town for the weekend.

How she is going to feed the cat while she is out of town is somewhat of a mystery, but that's not my problem right now.

So I call back Vinnie, and explain the situation. He says he thinks there is another key to the van in the safe. Fortunately I have a key to the safe. Unfortunately it is at home, and I am in the restaurant office. 

So now I need to get a bus from the restaurant, to my house, and then come back to the restaurant to open the safe to see if the key is actually in there, which it might not be. To then go to Vinnies house to open the van, to get the keys which only might be in there.

So that's exactly what I did. I got on a bus and was forced to sit next to quite possibly the chaviest woman I have ever seen in my life. And her dog. I was forced to listen to her conversation about her and her friend getting into a fight. From what I can gather it all had something to do with a bottle of brown sauce. But that's all I could really understand.

After what seemed like hours I arrived home and got the safe key. Not keen on boarding another chavtastic bus I decided that I would get a taxi to ferry me around the city, and I would damn well get Vinnie to pay for it.

So I got a taxi, to take me to the restaurant to open the safe, to get the van key. Amazingly the van key was actually in the safe. Step one of the plan was complete.
Step two involved going to Vinnies house and hoping that the key was in the van.

If it wasn't there would be no way to open The Club. The doors would remain locked, the lights would remain off, and there would be 650 very pissed off people demanding a refund. All because my boss moved the keys from a yogurt pot and forgot where he put them.

The taxi arrived at Vinnie's house, the van was parked in the drive way, this was it. The moment that the past 2 and a half hours of searching had been building to. In just a few short moments the rest of my weekend would be decided. Would I spend the night in the club with 650 drunken morons or would I spend the night out with my friends having left a carefully worded sign on the front door with Vinnies phone number should they wish to complain.

The taxi departed, but not before giving me a receipt so I could claim back these expenses. I slowly and cautiously approached the van. If the keys weren't in here the night was pretty much a bust.
I looked through the window, nothing. They were no where to be seen. This was not a good sign. I opened the van door, climbed inside and began to rake. I found some hula hoops, a half drunk bottle of water, an empty packet of M & M's..............

and the keys to The Club!!


The day was saved. And to top it all off, I now had a van at my disposal. Which was just as well, because in the time I had spent searching all over Aberdeen for these fooking keys I had meant to have gone food shopping. Plus it was now raining.

It had been a stressful and highly irritating two and a half hours. It was just as well the promoters had wanted to come in on the Friday. 
If they hadn't I wouldn't have known until I turned up on the Saturday and spent two hours searching for the keys when I was meant to be setting up. I felt a sense of relief, the night will go ahead as planned. I will add the 2 and a half hours I had spent on this missing key escapade onto my rota so I will get paid, and now I had the company van at my disposal until Vinnie got home.

Good times.

The van did not start.

I had to walk home.

In the rain.

I got wet.

Bad times! 

That's All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

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Thursday, 18 August 2011

The Mysterious Mystery Of The Missing Keys: Part 1

I had a rather irritating experience the other day and I thought I would share that with you.

Vincents and The Club have been closed for a couple of weeks for holidays. Despite the fact that everyone was going to be off for two weeks. Vinnie (the owner) took a booking. A booking for a gig in The Club. A very big gig. A big name DJ was coming to play, and  Vinnie was on holiday. As was the other manager. Luckily for him I didn't have any plans. So the night was left to me, and me alone.

There were 650 tickets available, and they all sold out very quickly. This was clearly going to be a very busy night. I had spoken to the promoters a couple of times the week before and we had discussed various arrangements.  They were aware that I now have a day job, so they could only get access to the building in the evening or on the actual day of the event.

So last Friday I was hard at work at the office, when I received a text, a text from one of the promoters. They needed access to The Club to drop off some rather expensive equipment. I arranged to meet them at The Club at 6pm that evening.
The Club is below Vincents, they are both in the same building, but you need a separate set of keys to access the club. We keep these in a yogurt pot in the restaurant office. I should point out it's an empty yogurt pot. Well, it's empty except for the keys, there's no yogurt in it. That would make the keys all yogurty.

So I met up with the promoters and let them in the restaurant and went to retreive the keys to The Club from the yogurt pot. 
However the keys were not in the yogurt pot. The keys were absent. I stared at the yogurt pot, it was definitely empty. There was no denying it. 

So here we were.

Myself and two promoters with a hell of a lot of expensive equipment, and locked out of The Club. Fortunatly there is a connecting door between the cellar of Vincents and The Club. Luckily this was not locked, so the guys could at least dump the equipment.

After dumping the equipment the promoters left, and I spent 45 minutes searching the building for the keys. I called the other manager who was also on holiday. He was the last to have them, he said he left them in the yogurt pot. I called the cleaner, he didn't even know there was a yogurt pot with keys in it. I then sent a text to Vinnie The Owner asking if he had moved the keys.

He called me immediatly, this was our conversation:

Vinnie: Andy you've got me a little bit worried.

Andy: Well you're not the only one. Do you know where the keys are?

Vinnie: Are they not in the pot?

Andy: No.

Vinnie: Are you sure?

Andy: Yes.

Vinnie: Maybe I posted them through the letter box.

Andy: No, they weren't there.
Vinnie: They weren't mixed in with the mail?

Andy: No.

Vinnie: Are you sure?

Andy: Yes.

Vinnie: And you're sure they're not in the pot?

Andy: Yes Vinnie, I'm currently looking at an empty yogurt pot.

Vinnie: Ok. Call the cleaner and ask if he's got them.

Andy: I already called him. He doesn't know where they are.

Vinnie: Call him and ask if they were in with the mail.

Andy: But he would have said if they were. Plus I was in before him so it was me that took up the mail.

Vinnie: Ahhhhh, right well if you're sure they're not in the pot.

Andy: Nothing in there.

Vinnie: And they're not at the front door.

Andy: Definitely not there.

Vinnie: Well, ermmm, they might be in the van.

Andy: The van?

Vinnie: Yeah, maybe.

Andy: And where's the van?

Vinnie: At my house.

Andy: And where's the key to the van?

Vinnie: In my house.

Andy: But you're in spain?

Vinnie: Yeah.

Andy: Alright. (Insert long pause here) Does anyone have a key?

Vinnie: Yes! (Excitedly) Caroline is looking after the cat. Call her, she can go to the house to get the van key, to check the van, and she can bring you The Club keys.

Andy: Alrighty, will do.

So I have to call the girl who is looking after the boss's cat, get her to go to his house, get the van key, and check to see if The Club keys are in there. Luckily I already know this girl so I quickly gave her a ring. 

She's not in town. 

She arrived in a small town over 150 miles away ten minutes before I called.


To Be Continued.................

Will Andy find the keys?

Will the gig go on?

Will anyone actually bother to read all this shid?

Find out tomorrow, at the crack of noon.

That's All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

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Monday, 15 August 2011

The Search For Manly Post It Notes, a Portrait of Me and Life As A Budha.

So since leaving school, I've re-entered the world of full time employment. But no longer in the hospitality industry. I've now got a regular boring office job. And it's fantastic. I am head of sales for a food company.

My job basically involves getting orders from our own companies shops in Aberdeen. Processing them, and then getting orders from all our other customers which are various shops and restaurants through out the area. And then processing them. It's fairly simple. That being said I have already made several mistakes and no doubt will make countless more in the coming weeks and months. But it's all good.

My day is always busy so it passes very quickly and everyone I work with is very friendly. I also have the advantage of being trained by my good friend and former housemate Althea. It's her job I am stealing. Well I say stealing, she is volunteering to leave. She's off to France so I am inheriting her desk. This is what it looked like on my first day.

I am currently on the look out for some more manly post it notes. Does anyone know where I can find any?

I managed to find some green ones. But so did my boss's young daughter, and she then decided to decorate my desk.
I also took part in the above project, can you guess which post it was mine?
As I said my work day is usually pretty busy, I have a hell of a lot to do in a short space of time. this is the daily duties check list Althea made for me.

What worries me is the picture of the dude in the corner. That looks nothing like me! I don't have blond hair. Not anymore anyway.

My boss's daughter was also kind enough to draw a picture of me. Can you see the resemblance?

She then decided to alter her masterpiece a tad. Apparently this is what I would look like if I started crying.
She def has talent. The last person who drew a picture of me was Cat, a former classmate.
This was her effort:

I reckon with just a little practice my boss's daughter could easily beat Cat's effort.

Have you drawn a picture of me? 

If so please email me it and I'll happily stick it on the blog and send you a complimentary curly wurly for your efforts.

It's not just me who's new in the office. Almost the entire office staff changed in the space of a week, with the exception of the office manager. The office junior has already proved herself to be a source of much amusement. At one point during a quiet afternoon she randomly asked the office,

"Do you get paid to be a Bhuda?"

She thought that all a "Bhuda" does is sit about all day and sleep.

She then discovered that they cannot eat meat, celebrate birthdays or have sex. She quickly lost interest. She still does not know what the real name for a "Bhuda" is.

This Week On

The New Adventures Of Andy G

Wordless Wednesday: A Primary One Pee


The Mysterious Mystery Of the Missing Keys
An epic two part tale of Andy's city wide search for keys to The Club

That's All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

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If you do subscribe I will draw a picture of you using every last ounce of my artistic ability.

Saturday, 13 August 2011

Spike The Talking Cactus is Returning!

He's Back!

Yers ladies and gentlemen, you read that right!
He has returned.
Spike, the worlds only talking cactus is returing to Aberdeen this weekend.
According to THIS ARTICLE in the Aberdeen paper Evening Express, and THIS ARTICLE in Press and Journal, he will be back this weekend to celeberate The Friends Of Duthie Park Open Day on Sunday!

This is amazing! Spike was by far the most popular cactus in Aberdeen during the late eighties early nineties.

Many have specualted as to what he's been up to all these years.
Some say he went to work for th bush administration.
Some say he went to travel the world to try and find himeslf, but only got so far as stonehaven.
Some say he left Aberdeen to become The Stig on TV's Top Gear.

Who knows?
Maybe now we'll get the answers we have been craving.

I did a quick search online and there has been a bring back Spike Facebook page for years, but he now even has his own twitter feed! Amazing! It's good to see that spike is jumping on the twitter band wagon!
Check out what he's been tweeting HERE


It seems that wishes really do come true.

That's All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

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Friday, 12 August 2011

Happy Birthday Struan

Today my friend Struan turns 20. 

Happy Birthday mate!

To celebrate his 20th year, I have compiled the top 5 interesting facts about Struan. In no particular order:

1: Struan is actually an "adult film" star. He has been in the industry for only 3 weeks and has made over 200 films. He goes by the name "Lance Hardwood."

2: Struan spends a lot of his free time running around dressed as Robin from Batman & Robin.

3: If Struan ever eats a whole packet of peanut M & M's he will turn into a mutant squirrel.

4: Struan has magic hair, if you touch it you will be granted three wishes. Seriously. Try it.

5: Struan makes the greatest cottage pie known to man!

In other Struan news, the birthday boy recently shocked the internet community by joining facebook. A shock to us all.

If you are on facebook why not wish him a happy birthday on his wall. Maybe he'll send you a free copy of his latest adult film, Sex Cars 2.

That's All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

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Monday, 8 August 2011

Welcome To The New Adventures Of Andy G


How are ya?

You smell terrific!

Welcome to my brand spanking new blog.

It's pretty much exactly the same as the old blog, except in a brand new colour scheme.

Isn't that exciting?

Yeah I know, it's not.

The original point in having the old blog was to document my re-education, but the course has finished now, and it's not just that. In the past few months my life has changed a lot, my flatmates Althea and Ivano have decided to go their separate ways. She is moving to France and Ivano is opening up a wine shop. I'm still staying at Campaworld, but it's a very different place without Althea around. And the worst part of all this is, when she goes to France, it looks like the dog will be staying with us!


I hate that fooking dog!

So with me finishing school, getting a proper job, and even more amazingly getting a girlfriend, I decided that a change was in order.

There were several suggestions for the title of this new blog, here are just a few:

I did like all of these titles, with the exceptions of the suggestions from Struan. But in the end I went with the suggestion of my good friend (and by good friend I mean internet acquaintance) Ian S Davidson. He also writes a blog and it's very good. You can read it HERE.

The new blog is still very much a work in progress, If you ahve a better picture for the banner above then please feel free to send it to me. I'm gonna try and make it as entertaining as the old blog, but be a bit different too. I've even got a plan to eliminate all the bad language I use. 

I'm going to try and blog more frequently, and try a couple of new things. I tried doing restaurant reviews on the old blog, that's something I will prob try and keep up. With any luck I'll eventually get a free meal out of it. I also recently invested in an unlimited card for the cinema. So for £15 a month I get to see as many films as I want. Which is ace. So I'll most likely start reviewing films soon too.
I was struggling for ideas to try and make the new blog different from the last one. So I did what any good person does when they can't think of something. Copy someone else. I saw this feature on another blog and have decided to incorporate it into mine. So every Wednesday from now on, will be Wordless Wednesday. It's pretty simple really, every Wednesday all I will post is a picture I like with a title. 

So that's all for now, I hope you enjoy The New Adventures Of Andy G. I'll try and make them as entertaining as possible.




The Mysterious Mystery Of The Missing Keys

More Tales From The Club

Tales From My New Job

A Reference For A Former Employee

A Sneak Peak At My New Book

The Tale Of My Trip To London

Texts From A Crazy Person

Texts From a Mystery Person 
(Not to be confused with the story above)

An Amazing Discovery at Campaworld


The blog post you've all been waiting for. 
Over 2 years in the making......
 On August 22nd 2011 you will be able to witness via the wonder that is You Tube

The Blackening Of Mark C
Here's a short trailer for what I hope will become the most viewed video on you tube.

If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE.

Why is it being released on August 22nd? Cos that's when I fookin well want to release it! OK!

That's All For Now

Until Next Time

Have A Nice

Andy G

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